Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
