Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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