If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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