if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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