By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i think i have herpe
just one?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
