We're like a lot better than the average bears
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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