Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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