have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
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She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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