Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
