You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I am available for nakedness
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize