I just threw up on my dentist
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The convent might be a nice break from real life
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I smell like Dick and happiness
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
