It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i came on her dog
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
