I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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