I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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