Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
