You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dear god my vagina.
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