maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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