Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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