I just cut my nipple shaving
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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