I wish I could punch you in the face.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
