This show inspires me to have sex in space
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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