my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
