The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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