I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
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I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
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Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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