yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
