Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
