I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
