We're like a lot better than the average bears
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
