We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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