between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
