is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Come share oat with me in your robe
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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