Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
