remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When are your genitals available?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
