so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
