I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
