I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
