Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...