Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?

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  (281): I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow? http://tfl.nu/ft8k
  Replies (62) Good night (1314) Bad night (2895)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.

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  (910): no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender. http://tfl.nu/cz6b
  Replies (16) Good night (666) Bad night (1920)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega

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  (303): Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega http://tfl.nu/145a
  Replies (11) Good night (2651) Bad night (760)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.

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  (573): shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls. http://tfl.nu/v89m
  Replies (38) Good night (1694) Bad night (4124)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.

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  (859): I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver. http://tfl.nu/rtt7
  Replies (2) Good night (852) Bad night (2957)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.

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  (920): My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas. http://tfl.nu/6lzb
  Replies (20) Good night (1114) Bad night (4943)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.

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  (210): masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know. http://tfl.nu/gdcq
  Replies (32) Good night (700) Bad night (5627)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.

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  (860): Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it. http://tfl.nu/iun7
  Replies (15) Good night (1824) Bad night (4038)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.

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  (765): He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something. http://tfl.nu/5hhc
  Replies (16) Good night (4638) Bad night (1975)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.

  (1-606): View more from Kentucky

  Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.

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  (606): I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me. (1-606): Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons. http://tfl.nu/drp9
  Replies (4) Good night (4417) Bad night (1477)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.

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  (940): You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse. http://tfl.nu/kwi6
  Replies (10) Good night (2885) Bad night (908)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?

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  (918): Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right? http://tfl.nu/jzhy
  Replies (2) Good night (2080) Bad night (730)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.

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  (847): The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume. http://tfl.nu/g5bo
  Replies (10) Good night (2122) Bad night (1052)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"

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  (954): Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!" http://tfl.nu/vh6t
  Replies (21) Good night (1501) Bad night (674)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.

  (1-219): View more from Indiana

  secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.

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  (219): I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo. (1-219): secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world. http://tfl.nu/oy0x
  Replies (0) Good night (401) Bad night (287)

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