Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
