I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.