You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"