You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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