I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
3pm strippers are depressing
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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