How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
