Im at strip club and am horny
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
