I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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