how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
