I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
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