neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
