I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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