This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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