I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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