We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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