he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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