I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
