I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
