**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
