Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
they're like a gay fantastic four
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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