its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
