how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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