I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
