He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
