i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
