new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
