I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
