do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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