People with herpes should wear stickers.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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