I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
