Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
