found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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