Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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