Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
