Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My feet surprised me
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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