She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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