nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
