I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
