Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
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We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
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Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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