And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize