we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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