he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
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