The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
