You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
