How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
