Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Randomize
