I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
dude. I can hear the air.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
